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Emotional Intelligence avoiding victimhood

Tired of victimhood

What we need is solutions and alternatives – choices, not blame!

“I see almost everybody looking for someone or something to blame for the mess we are in. Politicians blaming each other, us blaming them, some blaming the capitalists and now most people blaming the coronavirus. Either we blame them for controlling us or not controlling us enough. Either we blame them for putting us in victimhood or we choose victimhood because it is easier than taking responsibility for our lives. We choose victimhood every time we want someone out there to take responsibility for us, help us or set us free before we can choose for ourselves”.

Arne Mayoh

Voluntarily silenced, subject to the fear of exclusion or punishment for speaking my truth

Why bother take any action?

Well, you could start looking at what in you benefits from someone taking care of you, being helpless and a victim. Maybe you could look at what in you maintains the power that you are giving away, so you don’t have to care or take any real responsibility for yourself and the world that you live in.

I acknowlege that I can’t blame you for your sense of victimhood and that what I am tired of is my own sense of being a victim to other people’s victimhood. First I must look at me feeling like a victim and somehow step out of it. I’ve done it before so I know it’s possiblle. I know that all I have to do is to realise that I have choice, make a choice and suddenly I am no longer the victim.

So what choices do I have right now? I can write about it! I can look at it and check if a part of me would prefer to be a victim, with all the benefits that it is giving me: a) I can have more ease – ‘It is not up to me!’ (stay a victim), b) I can soothe and comfort myself and look for sympathy ‘poor me!’

But I can also say ‘NO’, ‘no more victimhood!’. I can take responsibility and say ‘It is up to me!’, I can change my mind and select some of the options that that gives me: a) I can learn to make choices and grow up, b) I can just try and fail, and accept the pain and try again. No matter which I will feel different because I am no longer a victim.

So here is me trying something in this writing: I would like your thoughts and reflection. I would like your response to this text. Does any of it resonate with how you feel? Are we similar or different on this? Am I the only one tired of victimhood? Will I have to face this problem in me alone, or can you mabye guide me a bit with your experience of being a victim?

Ultimately I know that the choice has to be mine and mine alone, that’s the only way I fully step out of it.

I once spoke to a dear friend of mine well versed in Buddhism and Hinduism. I asked him (because he continuosly spoke of ‘Victim Consciousness’), – What is the opposite of ‘victim consiousness’? He said without hesitation or any kind of pause as if the answer was obvious ‘Royalty Consciousness! – you are not a victim, you are the maker of your destiny!’. I really took a long time to think about that one.

Do you want to read more of ‘Royalty Consciousness’?

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