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13/ Personal Leadership – Dealing with Inner Conflict

“You’re the worst Captain ever!” Truthy declares, showing that she has absolutely no trust in me as my own personal leader, at least in that moment. What do you do when you have internal disharmony, where your inner voices are reacting to each other? Are you able to take personal leadership, to take the helm and to hear and hold the different voices and reactions? Are you able to make decisions that you trust and that they trust? What if you often just don’t know what to do? Can we grow the skill of trusting one’s own decisions? In this video, I make a tough call as Captain to tell Truthy to shut up, dropping compassion and listening towards her because I trusted in that moment it was the right thing to do. Watch the video to see how it works out.

There’s plenty to explore about the trigger that happened, the thinking that followed the trigger, how it affected the situation and how to take responsibility for oneself in such a situation. We didn’t quite get that far in this process, but maybe in future I’ll be able to work with some more examples of how to take responsibility for one’s reactions. Please leave comments or questions if you want to explore further.

This series of videos follows me from a dark place, where fear and anger prevail and emotional collapse is just around the corner. At times, I’m locked in and ready to self-destruct. I want to face myself, to look deeply at the inner workings of my thinking and feelings.

With the help of the delightful Truthy & Giraffe, who are much better able to express myself than I am, I find ways to handle my inner world and even reach a point of befriending myself. If these videos can support others to grow their personal insight and see the value of inner work then my fear and shame of posting them publicly will be easier to bear.

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